i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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