His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
