Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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