I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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