I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
