Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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