I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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