You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize