the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
