peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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