I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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