Please, let me fuck your mom
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
