So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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