I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
