i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
