I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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