Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
