there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
