So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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