it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
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you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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