I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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