Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
