nutella sex= disaster
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
