I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
