Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
