I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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