It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
