I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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