Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
