I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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