i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
there is puke in my bra ... again
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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