I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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