Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
