Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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