I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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