Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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