There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
