he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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