I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
