your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
