How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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