I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
