just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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