Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
