just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
