Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
