i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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