Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
