Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
