Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
