I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
