is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
