I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
