So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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