Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
