A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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