So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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