im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
