At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
