Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize