I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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