Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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