We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
