there was a trapeze. enough said
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
