Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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