Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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