ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
