So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
