whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
