What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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